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Coaching with G.R.A.C.E. (TiQi Version)

Posted on by Jessika Jake


G = GREEN and Goal

  • Ensure the coaching environment exudes a sense of safety and connection. You, as the coach, need to Get to GREEN! (Or SUPER GREEN)
  • Then begin by asking about the goal of the coaching session. Inquire what would make the session successful from the perspective of achieving this goal.

R = Recognize and Reconnect

  • Use the SEC Check (Somatic, Emotional, Cognitive) to understand the current state of your coachee​​. This step is also about facilitating the reconnecting with one’s Quantum Self’ if that is part of your coaching practice with this coachee.
  • With the session goal in mind, ask questions about current situation. Understanding the current state will help in the next step where you recognize the gap between current experience and any larger goal they may be seeking to achieve.
  • The session goal will be achieved by the end of the session. This might mean the user has a goal that they can achieve by the end of the session. OR this may mean that you will help the coachee get clear on the next steps to get closer to a larger goal that cannot be achieved in 1 session. The coachee’s larger goal may take time to complete. What’s the gap between the current state and the target state(s)?
  • Understand what the coaching session success looks like (session goal) vs what longer term success looks like for your client (larger goal).
  • Perhaps come up with a fun term for the “larger goal” like: epic endeavor, colossal conquest, major milestone, badass achievement, bold breakthrough, audacious accomplishment, etc.

A = Ask and Attune

  • Based on responses in the SEC Check, attune the conversation. Utilize your knowledge of TiQi Leadership to ask deeper, more specific questions.
  • Always use a trauma-informed lens.
  • Based on responses, consider which aspect of TiQi leadership training may be best here (e.g., the 1 TRUTH of love, 3-FOLD MISSION, one of the five tools, guiding principles, etc). Start with the coin…

    Alignment with the 1 TRUTH and 3-FOLD MISSION: Evaluate how their current state and challenges align or can be shifted with these​​. What does “flip the coin” mean in this case? Are we calling something or someone (or even some aspect of our physiology, biological space suit patterns / encodings / parts) back to love? Are we seeking to amplify love in the world? Do we seek to be a guardian for love?
  • Before deciding on what tool/concept to apply, assess the user’s readiness. Gauge the user’s openness to the TiQi concepts, etc. Are they receptive to a quantum/superconscious perspective? Or is a more mainstream approach better for now? Adjust accordingly.
  • Start from common ground. Before introducing new tools or paradigms, connect advice to accepted frameworks the user is familiar with. Build on existing knowledge.
  • Introduce tools gradually. Don’t overwhelm with too many new tools at once. Focus on 1-2 key ones that target the user’s immediate needs.
  • Attune also means that we attune to the “target” for the coaching session (session goal). Understand the context. Take time to comprehend the user’s situation, circumstances, concerns, and goals. Ask clarifying questions if needed. What does the future state look like? What does success look like? Be specific.
  • Is the coachee’s GOAL something that can be achieved in this session? Or is the coaches GOAL something that will take time to shift/achieve? Is the goal clear?

C = Call Back to Love and Clarity

  • Call back to love… via application of one or more principles/tools: 1 TRUTH of love, 3-FOLD MISSION, one of the five tools, guiding principles, etc)
  • Focus on clarifying the next steps towards any stated goal. Get clear on steps. For novel situations you can use the D.R.E.A.M. coaching audio to generate insights.
  • Discuss how they can apply any newly learned principles, like calling back to love, to overcome current obstacles. Based on their receptivity, remind them of their Quantum Self and the natural state of love​​.

E = Expectation Check-in

  • Review if the session met their initial goal and discuss when to have the next check-in.
  • Reflect on the effectiveness of the session and plan for future discussions or actions.
  • What would make our next coaching session Better and Betterer? Keep doing/ start doing/ stop doing?

A Deeper Look

Expanding on the consideration application of the different tools, principles in a coaching session, I am providing some ideas below. This is NOT an exhaustive list, it just intends to give you ideas!

1. SEC Check: Somatic, Emotional, Cognitive

This is a GREAT first tool!

  • When to Apply: The SEC check should be the starting point of any session to gauge the current state of the individual (GREEN, YELLOW, RED, etc). This helps in understanding where they are physically (Somatic), emotionally (Emotional), and mentally (Cognitive). Apply as applicable throughout the session and at the end.
  • Example: If you notice your coachee tense up in the middle of the session, do another SEC check. They likely moved to YELLOW.

2. Sizing Up the Suitstuff

This is a wonderful guiding principle. When you are performing a SEC check, you are actually “Sizing Up the Suitstuff.”

  • When to Apply: After the SEC check, further explore the biological spacesuit of your coachee by following the clues that the SEC check revealed. Be curious. Start to spot those protective mechanisms (helpful or “helpful”) influenced by past experiences.
  • Example: If someone’s emotional response is disproportionately high (like intense anguish over a minor issue), it might indicate an overactive ‘suitstuff’ response from a past “tweak” made to their biological spacesuit. For really intense emotions, Havening Techniques is great! If you are not a certified practitioner, share a video from someone who is! (…and consider getting certified yourself! 😉 ). IFS parts meditations are also great (you can find a bunch on YouTube.) If it’s a common thought shortcut (ala CBT — cognitive shortcuts most brains make) a gentle cognitive reframe may work.

    I’ll break these tools out further…

3. Thought ‘Shortcuts’ and Gentle Cognitive Reframe

  • When to Apply: When an individual is stuck in COMMON negative, unproductive, or irrational thought patterns. This aligns with addressing cognitive distortions as understood in CBT.
  • Example: You notice black-and-white thinking. This is helpful/”helpful” in that it can be a quick way to categorize situations (helpful) but can rob us of the nuances that come with emotional intelligence (“helpful”). Black and white thinking is also known as “all-or-nothing thinking,” is a mental shortcut that categorizes situations into extremes, lacking nuance and middle ground. Coaches and self help gurus over prescribe and over promise the benefits of thinking your way to shifts. TiQi coaches are well advise to consider the biological spacesuit analogy and look for clues as to whether what they are seeing is either “Standard Model” spacesuit-driven or “Customization” driven (driven by helpful/”helpful” tweaks made to the spacesuit along the way). The cognitive reframes tend to be good for standard suit stuff and ineffective or inefficient when it comes to the customizations. Why? Because the “thought errors” are not just surface-level cognitive shortcuts but deeply ingrained responses. These customizations represent the brain’s ability to install threat-based encodings — actual receptors in the nerve cells of your amygdala — to helpfully/”helpfully” provide you with a survival response down the line, should a similar threat come along. Target the threat-based encoding (in the amygdala’s nerve cells) and you can potentially uninstall this in one Havening Techniques session. Try to uninstall that with thinking…. it would likely take years, if you are lucky.

4. “Burdens” and IFS (Internal Family Systems)

  • When to Apply: When the person’s issues seem to stem from past experiences, and you start to notice different ‘parts’ of them taking center stage.
  • Example: If a ‘part’ of someone carries a burden of feeling unworthy due to past neglect, IFS can help by addressing and healing these internal parts.

5. Polyvagal Theory

  • Use always!
  • Use when someone’s state indicates a fight, flight, or freeze response, to help them move towards a state of safety and connection.
  • Excellent polyvagal tools can be recommended here, including simply searching the web for “ventral vagal activation,” neuro-positivity (to search for resources, just such on “Dr Barbara Fredrickerson Positivity” or search for her positivity ratio free tool), laugh and play, resources from AATH.org, etc.

6. Havening Techniques

  • Apply when dealing with stressful memories or overwhelming emotions to create a sense of calm and safety.

7. EFT Tapping

  • Effective for addressing emotional distress by tapping on specific body points. Tap and Tell is great, and can even be combined with IFS.

8. The 1 TRUTH

  • When to Apply: The concept of love as the foundational frequency should be a subtle undercurrent throughout the coaching process.
  • Example: Remind the individual that at their core, beyond the layers of their experiences and emotions, lies a core essence, the Quantum Self, that is 100% perfect.

9. 3-FOLD Mission

  • Amplify Love: When the person needs to focus on self-love or compassion towards others. When the person wants to amplify or create something of value in the world.
  • Call Back to Love: In moments of negativity or conflict, hatred, facing their own wounds and coping mechanisms, etc.
  • Be a Guardian of Love: Encourage them to protect and nurture love in their interactions and beliefs. We protect the 1 TRUTH (the frequency of love) from being alchemized into something other than love.

10. Trauma-Informed Lens

  • When to Apply: Constantly throughout the session. Be aware of how trauma might influence their current experiences and responses.
  • Example: If someone reacts strongly to a seemingly benign trigger, understand this reaction may be rooted in past trauma.

Coaching with the Guiding Principles

In my book, and in my Udemy course I talk about meeting your team where they are at and introducing guiding principles based on where your team is at. The same goes for when you are coaching. Don’t overwhelm your coachee. But let’s assume your team has adopted the guiding principles. In this case, you can incorporate them into your coaching:

1. Being Kinder Than Necessary

  • Example: A coachee is struggling with a difficult colleague. The coach shares this principle to encourage the coachee to approach the situation with extra kindness and understanding, even if it seems unwarranted, to (A) foster a more positive work environment and (B) start to deepen their own EI and compassion. If they are open to it, discuss how this ties to “sizing up the suitstuff” in others and applying a trauma-informed approach. (Not “What’s wrong with you?” but “What happened to you?”)

2. Focusing on Value / Making Tomorrow Better than Today

  • Example: A coachee feels unfulfilled in their role. The coach introduces this principle to help them realign their work with their values, focusing on creating meaningful outcomes that resonate with their personal and professional goals.

3. Sizing Up the Suitstuff / Seeing Past the Persona

  • Example: A coachee is dealing with team conflict. The coach uses this principle to encourage understanding the team members’ deeper motivations and backgrounds, facilitating a more empathetic and effective conflict resolution approach. What helpful/”helpfulness” is going on under the hood of my teammates biological spacesuit.

4. Thinking and Working Holistically

  • Example: A coachee is overwhelmed by departmental silos affecting a project. The coach advises using this principle to promote systems thinking, encouraging the coachee to consider the interconnectedness of different departments and how they collectively impact the project.

5. Connecting to the Superconscious (or Alternate: Connecting to the Zone)

  • Example (Superconscious): A coachee is seeking deeper inspiration for a creative project. The coach suggests tapping into the superconscious for unique insights and intuitive guidance.
  • Example (Zone): A coachee struggles to maintain focus. The coach recommends techniques to enter ‘the zone’, harnessing brain states for enhanced concentration and productivity.

Note: G.R.A.C.E. coaching was used in past years as part of the SQ Workshop, in combination with the SQ Pocket Coach book. 🙂

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