Well, I didn’t even buy his book yet (I play a game of grocery budget versus education budget and let me just say, I’m almost “done” grocery shopping already this month) but I can tell you WOW!!!
Why I am an insta-fan:
- He addresses affective neuroscience. YES!
- And brain science… Not only do we lose blood flow to our prefrontal cortex when we get heated, he adds in that YOU CAN LEND SOMEONE YOUR PREFRONTAL CORTEX (PFC). Genius!! Lend them YOUR PFC. If they are not good at pinpointing their emotions, YOU can do it for them.
- He also addresses the need to use this skill with children and the importance of developing EI in children.
- The second video is timely because it discusses politics.
- Ooh, I almost forgot — he addresses connection and transcendence. We are listening only for emotion — their emotion. There is no room for our ego or for us to get wrapped up in our emotions (eg getting triggered by their emotions) and thus we have this experience of oneness with the other person.
- Additionally, I like that he does a lot of work with prisoners.
So yes, one day I will probably make this post betterer by adding my 2 cents on his book (I do plan on buying it), but WATCH THESE for now, because they are super-awesome and helpful.
Parting Thoughts
This is a skill of de-escalation. This is separate from other skills (though can be used with other skills). That being said, the other skills I am big on sharing are TRAUMA-related skills. I am sure I will get into that more here on BnB (and have already posted about Polyvagal Theory if you are interested in finding out more) because understanding how to connect and co-regulate with others is a win-win-win-win (win for me, those I connect with, the world, and the Universe).
Starting here with listening to emotions rather than words is HUGE. Watching for those unconscious nods, sighs, etc is HUGE. And then, being able to spot signs of trauma physiology will be even HUGER.